my sweet memories

2012-02-11T02:39:00.002+08:00

its a new year.. words cant express my thoughts on all my accomplishments of 2011..
ive made many new friends,
seen new things,
gained new experiences,
laughed like i never before,
and i guesss.. ive never been happier.
there were rough times definitely, but i thank God for everything he has put me through.

to all those who wrote in my cbox, i read them all, thank you. i love you guys alot rly :)

2011-12-01T10:02:00.002+08:00

i try not to post but today i just feel like i should. i havent really been sad but now i am.

ive been trying to figure out what i need
i ask myself all the time what im looking for
sometimes. even i dont know.

i cant rly get to you, dear.
u wont let me in.
yet you let the people around u near enough to hurt you
why wont u realize im all you need?

you tell the world ure broken. but u wont let anyone fix u
you see the dangers waiting.. but u choose to walk deeper
you know of the lies and pain to come. but u ignore them
you dont know what to do. but i am here.

where was the girl who used to be so strong?
the one who used to tell everyone ïts nothing'
you said youd be fine.
and you were.

WERE.

so dear get up and stop lying around waiting for someone to come..
cos only when u stop waiting..
will he be there.

2011-08-07T23:39:00.004+08:00

My cover of drops of jupiter :)

checkout my channel ;)

www.youtube.com/user/singinginthraine

2011-04-18T23:06:00.003+08:00

i think i should just die right now.
i feel horrible. so bad that i dont feel like going anywhere anymore.
just seeing you once makes me feel like that. and on the first day of school.
what more if i see you every now and then?
what more if you say hi?
and i pretend..
i reply.

SMILING.
would you believe me?

or would you just...
pretend to care when actually you dont give a damn at all?
like how you always do.
how you just want to get rid of that guilt you know you carry so well.

and i know. i'm supposed to give up.
i'm stupid. i know i am.
but i cant help it.
noone can. or can we?

but i dont want to. i really dont.
i dont wanna get hurt by someone who'll come around too good to be true again.
i dont wanna give in anymore
im scared im so scared i wish you knew.
i wish you knew how much i miss you.
especially now.
right now..

remember there was smth i said i had for you?
what ive wanted to give u on 1st october is still under my bed.
collecting dust? no.
i still read it once in awhile..
i never forget bout it.
i never forget you.

and no matter how i try i still cant.
i wish i were strong enough to make you hurt.
but i just cant..

i never will.

cos up till now i still love you.

and i know if i love you i have to let it go..
but at the same time, please know dear..

i'm really trying..

2011-04-11T23:45:00.003+08:00

am i happy?

i always ask myself this question.. and i ponder all the time.
deep inside im not, but i try to be.
but yet when i look back, i am strong. i can be happy. i just choose otherwise.
but yet again some things just cant be helped.
everything happens for a reason.
people come, people go.
lies are heard, but the truth shows.
faces change. PEOPLE change.
but yet, everything stays the same.
and one day, you'll find that you're all alone.
who will be there for you? who will really stay?
most of the time, none of them keep to what they say.
promises. just a reason for people to feel better.
to run for awhile.. long enough for them to recover then realize..
its all a mistake.
we all do, we hurt. we hurt others.
we're all criminals when it comes to love,
we've all broken our hearts before.
and killed someone along the way.
but life goes on.
we still put ourselves out,
vulnerable.
and we break again.

im tired.
sometimes i wish i could run away.
i wish people would stay.
i wish love could find my way.
i wish people would really do what they say.
i wish everything else would always be okay.

then i would be happy.
or am i?
already?

or do i pretend to be..

its a new year, they say.
time to put things behind.
to move on.
to live again.
but isnt it always the same?

new school, new challenges.
what if i meet the ones i fear the most?
what if people try to change me even more?
worse, what if i let them?
what would become of me.
where would the laraine be..

hiding.. deep beyond the depths of her soul.
looking, for a way to finally come out and show.
show to the world that shes okay.
being herself.
being accepted.
being real and true.
for the masks she wear are tearing.
and she'll realize,
I'LL realize..

i should be happy being me..

but im not.

but i know some how i am.

or maybe i just dont know.

not now,

not YET.

2011-04-11T23:39:00.002+08:00

OMG. i havent been here in a long time. almost a year.. yet i still feel the same when i come here. still dark. still down and, really emotional. maybe thats why i dont blog often anymore.. cos i wna run away..

CHANGE.

maybe? for the better.. yes and no.

LOVE.

same as before

FRIENDS.

the ones who really matter, stay..

FAMILY.

not as close, but good as always

2010-05-27T22:44:00.002+08:00

first love- the last time i heard this song,
i was crying over someone else.
and you called me, you called to ask if i was all right.
and i thought you were so sweet.
well you are really.
i miss you. ive said it again and again..
and i dont think i wil ever stop..
even if i find someone else,
when i think of you i will still remember everything..
&i will still cry.
i still cry
now.. and yes, thru sleepless nights..
i still hold on to the hope that its not just another dream.
but the way you said it..
take it as a dream im sorry..
even the sweetest dreams couldnt come close to this..
i love you.
sometimes i cry so badly cos i just wish you were there.
maybe they're right.
that you played with me.
but how would they know..
they're not you.
the man i fell in love with is not the boy they speak about.
i wish there was just something i could do..
to wake up. really.
but i know deep down inside.
i just refuse to.

2010-04-22T22:40:00.002+08:00

i miss you bl. im still missing you. i have no one to turn to.
you were always there but now im alone.
i want you so bad.
im not okay.
its a fake front i put on.
the smiles..
u can see me crying inside.
i still recall those nights on the phone.
im hurting and i know u wont do anything.
you once said you didnt have a choice.
and i said u did. well u do.
u just chose the easy way out.
sometimes some things are just not meant to be.
i know.. i know..
but i choose to stay.
cos someone who once said
"so miss raine, where to?"
wants me to change..
i am..
im sorry.
the random messages show my weakness.
when u get a message from me, im weak.
im crying.
im somehow hopin u wil reply
and being such a great believer in faith,
ive failed.
i shd never have let you thru to my heart.
never shd have given in to that sweet boy.
someone i gave up many things for.
my sleep. everything
and when i asked u to go to sleep..
i wanted u to,
and the words u said made it difficult.
like what if u went to sleep..
what would i do..
i was tired.
i was
but i was sad.
cos i knew u might disappear anytime.
i lived with this fear.
you would go. u have,
but i asked u to,
u only had a few hours of rest and soon u would meet me.
and thn that night u called me again.
you will never know how much all these meant to me.
or maybe u do.
sometimes u feel things but u dont say it.
u lie to me so that it wont hurt but..
it really hurts more.
&the last thing i want
would be hearing a lie about a lie...
im sorry i haven forgotten you
i try very hard to
but sometimes
i just feel too empty.
&i just miss you so.

2010-02-23T20:21:00.002+08:00

the sweetest things in life..
they hurt me the most..
if only i knew how to not trust..
if only people didnt know my weakness.
if only they gave me a chance.
if only, i nvr ever did any of this.
its hurting so bad..
i havent cried for such a long time.
God.. i need you..
ive been tryin so hard to be strong but its you i rly need.
please come back to my life.
im giving up.
and no one's there anymore.
i feel stuck.
and i keep crying.
u answered me before.
hear my cry for you and come back to me.
im sorry..
i'll wait. this time i'll wait..
dont leave me hanging here.
i don't wanna be alone anymore.
the moment i left you i've only been overwhelmed by darkness.
i cant find me anymore..
i didnt wanna be like this.
i guess i nvr thought about how it would turn out.
i dont even have the face to ask for forgiveness anymore.

im sorry..

2010-01-28T19:49:00.003+08:00

i still cant believe your gone sometimes.
kinda stupid i know.
well. i hope you're doin fine,
cos i miss you.
no link.
HAH.

well. everything else you said just doesnt hold to its truth.
sometimes i wish we nvr met on that day.
then maybe somehow now u will still be that online friend.
you said u haven found your 'best friend'
you said im always one of ur good friends.
said one day you'll bring me to that nice steamboat,
that there was so much you haven shown me,
that one day you'll take me to that place.
to see the stars like we did on that oh so beautiful night.
said that she shouldnt be choosing your friends,
that there was no certainty in everything.
but then again, you said so many things.
and it doesnt matter anymore.
nth does to you does it.
life's a game.
do what you like.
so much for 'i dont like to break my promises'.
stop lying.

&that pain you feel when u read my blog is nth compared to mine. so stop complaining.
didnt i help u in the end? think about it and stop being so childish, for goodness sake.

2010-01-14T22:47:00.001+08:00

you'll never understand the pain i've been going thru.. i haven stopped waiting.

2009-12-09T16:34:00.001+08:00

i miss those nights..

the stars.

and that beautiful moon,

the careless whispers breaking daylight.

the laughter we shared

the winks,

the smiles.

the pinching of my cheeks.

the soft slaps.

the huggs,

the kisses

the many goodnights.

the breath on my skin.

the very sound of your voice.

the care and concern.

the 'i love you's

the very tired eyes

the breath on the phone

the sweet dreams that would never end.

the days where i could depend on someone.

those days i could tell the world i am happy.

the days that, i may never get back again.

and only fond memories are all i have

nothing more.

i just hope. none of it was a lie

2009-11-22T21:14:00.000+08:00

can you see? can you see the pain in the eyes.

look at how she screams for you.

shes smiling, sure.

but shes ripped inside.

always wanting things that, she'll never get.

you know how that feels?

i told myself, be cautious.

dont fall in love with a person who alr has someone.

but how would i know.

there were no signs.

maybe there were.. faint visions of possibilities

but never one in front of me. never one to say.

STOP.

i want you. i want you so much.

but im being selfish.

ive got to go.

i really miss you.

and if ever u need me, ill be there.

im always here.

dont forget me, okay...?

and maybe one day, just one day.. i'll see that 'goodmorning, lol' again.

-im still waiting

and like you said, as long as we know. deep down inside. that we are, and will always be, good friends,

then thats all that matters. :)

i love you.

2009-11-19T00:18:00.000+08:00

it was a good question, actually.

are you making things worse.

honestly. i dont know.

but its been scary.

really scary.

the way things have been happening.

i dont know what to look forward to.

i know. my birthday wish wouldnt come true.

the secret i wanted to tell you.

couldnt even get thru.

its like, before i even say hello,

you'll say bye.

and i smile..

im alright.

i think.

2009-11-16T23:38:00.000+08:00

thanks for almost killing me today.

i couldnt breathe when i saw that red figure coming thru the door.

suffocating myself under my breath so as not to make a sound.

hoping you would simply walk pass without noticing me.

kinda retarded i know.

unlike what i thought, you were so..... beautiful.

in a way. so much that i felt horrible.

suddenly i regret the many times i should have just gone down to meet you.

even just for that short while.

now i cant even do so.

i cant even text.

nothing.

and yet youre still as sweet as ever.

still making me laugh.

even when i was holding back the tears that were pricking my eyes.

when i was thinking back on all the times you would call me.

the many days that started with a 'goodmorning, lol.'

that standard line i will never forget.

the one that makes it hard for me to clear my inbox.

cos its like, the last memory i have of the last few days i could contact you.

you said before, about the packet of gummy bears?

well, i ran out of grapes too.

now nt only have i lost the strawberry. ive also lost the grape one.

i lost you.

and sometimes it feels like i need you so bad.

like that human diary i had every night was gone suddenly.

and it was a special edition.

but i didnt know.

i didnt know it belonged to someone else.

so when it was retrieved by her,

i suddenly felt lost.

it wasnt a slow goodbye.

it was a quick sharp bye.

not even a bye.

nothing. but a cut off.

and i still keep waiting.

praying. hoping maybe you'll miss me and..

give me a call.

its nt that hard right?

i guess it is..

i donwanna cry no more.

i wna stop this.

i wanna just die.

it hurts to see you.

yet i miss you so much

i want to see more of you.

i want you.

i want you so bad,

i wanted you. i really did.

but im too late. 7 years too late.

2009-11-07T22:59:00.001+08:00

go on, lieeeee. just lieeeeee. and lieeeeeeee. and lieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and then.. goooddddbbbyyyyeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ive never felt so.. so so so horrible its like this big fat lie from the start.

i dont know who you are anymoree.

whtas wrong with yyyooououu@@@!@~!@!@#@%$#%!#$@#

am i that nice to lie tooooooooooo?

i believed everythingg. why?

im so stttuuuppiidddddd.

I CANT BELIEVE ITTTT., URE A PIECE OF SHIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHDNBFY8R190285

u shudl justt leavvee.e NA D GOT.

JNBAHBF. JUSSTTTTTT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

COS IF I SEE YOU. I WILLLLLLLLLLLL.

explode into tears.

miss

you

2009-11-06T00:33:00.000+08:00

honestly, i dont know what to say. i know it is difficult.

at times it feels like the world is turned against you.

ive been there before. i know better. and your case will never be worse than mine..

in fact, you were one of them my dear. but i forgived you.

is that not what friends are for?

we do treat you as a good friend. you've always been a sweet friend to all of us.

this is why you are actually hurting all of us thru your words.

if we really didnt love u as a friend, we wouldnt even bother about you.

now it isnt that we do not want to bother, but it is that you have hurt us too much.

i dont blame you for feeling this way.

but you should not have vent your anger like that.

you can always talk to one of us.

there are many hidden reasons you will never understand.

you say that you do not think clubbing is that bad,

but the truth is girl, that clubbing is not a good place.

somehow you know that too.

if you really dont feel that way, it is actually because you are not exposed to the harsh reality of life.

people you meet there may not be as good as you think.

look at things this way, when did things start to turn sour?

since you got hung up in all of that.

we are not saying that it is bad because we want to despise you.

but we are all worried. maybe in front we look like we dont care.

but we do talk about how to help you.

we wanted to talk to you. but the moment we saw the post we gave up.

you know your friends well. you know them longer than i do.

they all do things for a reason.

at times they forget or they dont mean to, but everyone makes mistakes.

no one is perfect. you said that before, right?

even after all the posts they still want to be your friend.

they are feeling horrible. they agree that they have done wrong.

but if they have forgiven you for the posts, why is it that difficult to forgive them in return?

another thing, there are reasons for why we do not call you for the job.

even i myself got the plans at the last minute.

and we did ask you if u wanted to go for some other interviews,

but u had said that it was too far.

since then, we only found another job.

and seeing that you have already posted so much, how can we face you?

i do not blame you for not knowing, but we are actually in very difficult positions.

we are worried for you. we always treated you as a part of us.

and we are really sad that things have come to this.

we still love you, my friend. please do not cry.

we are here.

we always were.

2009-10-26T01:05:00.001+08:00

i suddenly rmb how u played spongebob for me to watch when i cried.
and i couldnt cry even if i wanted to.

-maybe u dont realize. but this is a blog where i pour out my emotions. i already know what i should do. dont teach me.

2009-10-22T22:46:00.001+08:00

your pictures kill me everytime.

my face doesnt show.

but its like a needle pricking my heart.

i want it to stop.

im trying.

-----

22. twenty second.

its weird isnt it.

how they all fall nicely in place.

but you;ll never understand

----

when will you notice?

you said you care.

really?

----

stop running away from me. please.

----

youre adorable as always.

i wish that moment could last forever.

it means more than you think.

im glad you didnt look away.

it would have torn me into pieces.

as my heart thumped quickly

i found myself at a loss of words

trembling in my tracks.

what im writing doesnt make any sense.

my words dont come together anymore.

anyway, it just ends there.

i know thats all ill be to you, dear.

----

but i wish u would.. stop leaving me alone.

----

im really alone now.

in a way, im scared.

i no longer have that.. that courage to move on.

and i dowanna pull you back to me.

id rather die alone.

----

i wish i could stop missing you dear.

seeing you today brought me great comfort.

i love your smile.

your dimples.

you.

2009-10-06T22:32:00.000+08:00

you have an adorable smile. one i wanted to get a look at for the last time.

in every way u brighten my day.

you never fail to make me laugh, and as always,

you cheer me up when im down.

when im sad i just try to visualize you in my mind.

even now, when i think of you, i see you dancing,

and i feel silly when i find myself smiling in the bus or train.

but i cant help it, i like it when you do that.

because of you, i learn look at tomorrows instead of yesterdays.

i didnt realise but, ive never felt so comfortable around anyone before.

you just give me a sense of security.

like when you're there, i dont have to worry.

to me, this is a friendship i can never find in anyone else.

i really thought it would work out.

that i finally found someone to lean on.

but i guess my self centeredness got in the way.

you're a sweet boy, lovable and charming.

i miss you friend, i really do.

i know losing me wont be much.

you have many other friends out there.

i have to say you're one of the best friends ive made.

i dont wanna lose you..

but im hurting too much to stay.

and so,

i'm sorry dear.

i really never wanted it to be like that,

but somehow you made me feel loved for awhile.

and then the next minute i was there all by myself.

i was right, wasn't i.

you'd leave me one day.

but you said you wouldnt.

"i will always be your friend", remember?

i wouldnt say it isnt my fault, cos it is entirely.

if it werent for things i said it wouldnt end like this.

its been weeks since ive wanted to return you whats yours,

so i can stop disturbing you.

so i can say goodbye.

so that theres no more raine in your life.

&its not your fault dear. i know im asking for too much.

i just wanna get out of your life. cos i know im a trouble to you.

i hope you read this. goodbye.

-RAINE

2009-09-26T23:51:00.000+08:00

your words, they still hurt.

as i recall those rainy days where your words kept lingering on me.

the one reason why i do not want to carry on in relationships.

th one thing that brought that spark from my fire

and its lost.

somewhere out there.

and i wonder when i'll regain my thoughts.

when i will find the person to patch the pieces of my heart back again

when ill finally wake up.

and go back to that raine i used to be.

i really really miss you.

2009-08-06T21:27:00.000+08:00

i wonder if u do read. u said u do, and i cant help but hold on to that hope either.
uve still been there, ya..
appearing in my dreams at times, giving that same smile i would never get to see again.
and remember when u asked me dear, "do u know how much i love you."
honestly. i didnt know. i guess ill never get to know.
ive moved on. yes i have. definitely.
ive been a good girl. like u asked me to.
but sometimes u appear and everything comes back.
all uve said, the heartbreaks.
the times when i threw my phone at the wall in the middle of the night,
cos u didnt reply. then i told u.
and u would reply.
"i wish i could hugg u right now like you've never had such a hug"
i still remember it sounded abit off to me. haas.
i didnt think i would be happy when i loved you.
i thought it was just like what i was to you.
soon to end.
but it somehow changed.
that happiness i had when i was with you.
i could have told the whole world i was happy.
because i was.
i was

2009-07-29T21:08:00.000+08:00

even at the saddest times of my day i think of u and smile.

theres no more next time raine, no more. hes not coming back. stop being so foolish. cant u see. hes living happily without you. you dont matter anymore. no matter how much u scream or cry he wont appear. hes gone, not for today. not for tomorrow, but for ever. .

thanks dear. thanks for all the lies

2009-07-19T19:13:00.000+08:00

its alright, man.. like ..seriously.

2009-07-08T20:13:00.001+08:00

all you taught me was, how not to love anymore.

cos ure the first i wanted to rly love.

but the first.

who really killed me.

i dont dare to love anyone anymore.

u dont know how stupid it is. to know one month and two days later. how u kept me in the dark. how u lied again and again. sorry doesnt cure anything. it doesnt take away the pain. so what, dear. so what. i dont matter at all. even if i really die on the spot. you wouldnt care. so why am i stil holding on?

i wish i knew the answer to that.

i love you tangweimin. i still do.

2009-06-21T23:30:00.023+08:00

step back. and look at things now.

no maybe not now. maybe soon. and see that difference.

ones at the bottom, ones at the top.

ones a lie, ones love.

ones fake, ones true.

one u cant be bothered with, one you care about.

one that means nth, one that means alot.

one you try so hard to hide, one that u would show to the world,

one who is hurting inside, one whos happy.

one who cries every night thinking bout you, one whom you're interested in.

one who u obviously know loves you, one who's feelings ure unsure of.

i wish i could be the one u care about.

but its okay

i'll love you, more than she ever will.

u ask me why, but i just cant find someone else. it'd just be using them.

to forget you.

don't say im not trying, im trying very hard.

think about it. when was the last time i brought up any of that.

how long its been since ive said i miss you,

how i hurt SO BAD. but stil act so calm in front of you.

i cry behind those ':]'

everytime.

i used to think you think i matter.

now i KNOW. u dont even care.

2009-06-14T23:13:00.000+08:00

and it wouldnt have hurt so much, if u hadnt promised to take a picture with me.

but well, u forgot that right?

and even if you kept your promise, you'd probably have deleted it by now.

i feel sick. everytime i talk to you i suddenly feel unwell.

its alright. at least you're enjoying yourself. :]

ily.

2009-06-14T22:43:00.000+08:00

you like to kill me like that. nt from behind. but right in front.

straight into my heart u punch me right there.

til i feel nothing at all.

i try to be happy. but u always spoil it. u always hurt me in some way.

I WANT TO HATE YOU. IM TRYIN TO HATE YOU.

some reason.. i cant.

and sure, NOTHING.

thats all i am to you.

2009-06-14T22:37:00.000+08:00

here's the song that so much reminds me of you. :]

One step too far
All at once I'm falling
Just like a star
I'm burning for you
Thought I could keep myself from feeling this way
I guess that was my first mistake

Cause suddenly I'm walking
Down a dark street to your door
Wanting you is driving me insane
And now my feet are standing
Where they've never stood before
Guided by a twist of fate

If I lose myself with you tonight
Fall apart or hold on tight
Wrong or right I won't be afraid
Cause even if my heart should break
You'd be the best mistake I ever made

I'm in your room
Now there's no denying
What's in your eyes
When I look at you
To shadows talking but they don't make a sound
Words have lost their meaning now

And the air has turned electric
Now I know the time is right
To put myself into your hands
And suddenly I'm shaking
As your fingers touch my skin
I don't need to understand

But If I lose myself with you tonight
Fall apart or hold on tight
Wrong or right I won't be afraid
Cause even if my heart should break
You'd be the best mistake I ever made

And if tomorrow proves me wrong
I swear I don't belong
I know I'll carry on

So I will lose myself and bare my soul
Take this chance cause heaven knows
I'm so far gone, my choice is made
And even if my heart should break

When I lose myself with you tonight
Fall apart or hold on tight
Wrong or right I'll always say
You're the best mistake I ever made
You're the best mistake I ever made
You're the best mistake I ever made

2009-06-11T20:58:00.000+08:00

my heart skips a beat everytime i go online and hear 'forever love... forever lovee'

2009-06-11T20:03:00.001+08:00

u confuse me. all the time. today got a shock when found out that my seating number is 22. like. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. and then i finally saw him take something away. which made me v happy. i thought he wouldn't care.

well.. somehow.. he's there. and i still love him. so much.

very very much.

i don't know whats going on at alll. dont even know if he thinks of me.,

or if he cares anymore. if hes feeling anything at all. but.. well maybe it doesnt matter anymore.

i just wish i could see him, one last time. even if i can only see him for awhile.

i miss you.

lately everything just seems to be going wrong. not only do i miss him. i miss someone else very much either though the person's there. but the person's suddenly different. only to me.

well anyway. i wish he sees this. i love you.

2009-06-09T19:40:00.000+08:00

you know you're probably the meanest, most heartless guy i've ever met.

the guy who thinks nothing of me and finds me a bore.

ashamed of me, you are.

don't spare a thought for me, ever.

always outside and missing,

only apologising when im sad.

never call me, never take the initiative.

almost always never there.

never say anything sweet.

always calling me names..

yet i still love you so much..

2009-06-08T12:20:00.000+08:00

go on.. just leave.. will remember you. always. and everything u said, are like scratches on my heart. soon there will be scars, bt its okay. goodbye tw... im still waiting, always have. and stil will. until.. i get exhausted enough to let go.

&you broke your promise. all your promises.

and. you lied.

'no matter what, i'll be here for you'

'we'll meet again by this month. i promise'

'i'm still here'

'i still love you dear, what you crying about (:'

'it's not you. it's me'

&i remember how u said, a kiss is the best reassurance anyone can give.

and the first texted kiss. that went

'smuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacks'

that i spent so long convincing you to give. but it was worth it.

remember how i went crazy on the last day.

you called me 'hyper'

but i was just happy. just happy cos i thought you really meant it when you said

'i love you' -but that was the last time.

2009-06-02T22:04:00.000+08:00

to all those out there who have heard stuff bout me. go ahead and think what u want.

jsut to let u know, i dont rly bother. cos i know myself well. and u dont fucking know me so dont ever judge me. what i do is none of your businesses and to my ex in school, ure the biggest regret of my life. so get lost and stop making ur nonsense and being that childish immature kid u always are and always will be. if there is one thing i could do now, it is to kill you. cos u ruined my life. and im gonna get it back. so dont piss me off, or i dont know i'll do. im not afraid of u u assshole.

2009-05-31T22:00:00.000+08:00

i tried today, dear. i tried.. i know theres a line drawn between us now.

and i can't do anything but sit and stare at your picture..

wondering why it came out like that.

even though i seem better now to everyone,

inside i still hurt.

much more than i can say.

they all remind me of you.

the contents in my wallet,

the music box beside my bed,

even the 20 cents..

and everytime i think of u i would play that music box.

and it'll hurt even more.

i miss your smile,

i miss your wink,

i miss your dimple when u purse ur lips,

i miss your irritated look when i say something dumb,

and especially when u call me dumb..

as i look thru my saved messages,

i just wish i could get one more..

even if everything that you say to me is a lie..

even if after that youll go back to how u are now..

cold and harsh.

i remember when you told me i wouldnt like you when i see you..

but i told u u were dumb and i still will.

but u didnt believe me.

i told u i would fall in love with u,

even though we only talked for less than an hour.

and i did.

&i still fall in love with you every morning.

2009-05-30T17:11:00.000+08:00

nothing more to say. u hurt me like crap

2009-05-24T22:05:00.000+08:00

got a shock today..

'today is a happy day. so no tears, alright?'

and it made me smile the whole day :]

i miss you so bad

2009-05-23T23:20:00.000+08:00

your words, they kill me softly.

as i sat at that piano, wondering when u would appear.

then i saw u in the shadows. walking towards me..

then embracing me from the back.

u didnt know. i cried

inside. i died.

one month has passed.

we've gone in circles, its true.

'im fine, dear what bout you?'

no wait, theres no 'dear'. there never was

only lies that went on and on.

yet i didnt mind. u were all i needed.

u hurt me but i held on

i thought at least you loved me.

but no.

lied

myself...

'it's not your fault dear, dont blame yourself.'

tell me..

how can i not?

2009-05-16T20:44:00.000+08:00

camwhoring in toilet :D

went out with lesbo and michaye two days ago.. hahas. had a great time. in btwn met qing, von and cia.. hahas. anyway that day went home late.. forgot to give parents a timing. then sis smsed me said daddy says ure supp t be home by nw. and so i told my dad wil be back by 1030.. bt got home at 1140. so kena grounded by mom for the weekend. HAHAHAHS. kay anyway thanks eveyrone for the concern.. but im really fine now. :] alot better. hahas. tomorrows sunday! :D

2009-05-13T12:20:00.001+08:00

i think im hurting so much my brain's gonna explode. i never thought it would end so soon. it was so sudden. all that hope and happiness i had. all that i was looking forward to. and now its all taken from me. and ure right. theres more to life than this. but still. why now? why. why does it always happen to me. why wont ppl give me a second chance. why does my past mean so much to u when its the future that matters. i changed for u. i did. i tried so hard. i was so happy i finally did it. i suddenly felt achievement. it suddenly meant something to me. that i was special to someone. that someone wants me. but u dont do u. and its alright. i wouldnt want me either if i were you. i wouldnt want raine, theres nothign special about her. she just keeps loving ppl who she doesnt deserve. and theyll never know how sorry she is. how she tries not to but stil falls for them. how she always try to be the best but always fails. how everytime she gets too sensitive and cries over stupid thing. how she goes crazy over every word they say. theyll never know what it feels like to be treated like that. never.

i cant stop crying w, im sorry, but u wont know how horrid it feels, knowing that all thats between u and ur goal is this thing that u cant take back. i always hated my past. i wish i nvr did any of it. but why must it matter so much? why.. whats wrong with me. i did everything u asked me to. i loved.. but i got hurt. so hurt. ur words just cut me so deep. it pierced me and stayed there.. and i dont know what else to say. i haven cried like this for a long time. it may not seem long to u.. but it does to me. the moment i knew u u showed me a different light. all i wanted was to follow you and care for u along the way.. i dont hate u. i wont. the only person im angry with is myself. im sorry. i dont know how much i wish to emphasize on that.. and i miss you tw.. i really do. and everytime i see u i fall in love again.. all im praying for is ur happiness and that maybe a miracle will happen. but at times like these.. its impossible isnt it?

2009-05-07T18:05:00.000+08:00

angry afraid troubled annoyed irritated pissed sad hurt depressed unhappy heartbroken sensitive choked stuck teary tired trembling scared painful lost lonely empty aching gloomy blue sorrowful uncertain puzzled confused .. and thats how i always feel when u dont reply.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. so stressed. yet im nt doin anything. math was nt that difficult but still headaching. LOL. and the first question was seriously the pits. almost died. english was fine.. just the stupid summary. sian i needa study again. tmrs ss and chem. AHHH. can feel the stress building again. i miss him and im thinking too much again. somehow.. i feeel so afraid. like hes gonna go sometime.

2009-05-06T17:38:00.001+08:00

people come and go.. how true. how true... *speechless* it was just in a matter of weeks.. no. not months. weeks. i dont even know why it hurts. but it rly does..

2009-05-02T21:50:00.000+08:00

ytd went out with mayling :D took loads of pictures. LOL. beena long time since we went out. anyway had alot of fun laughing. :] [pictures may be uploaded another time]

--------------------------------------------------------------

went fly kite today :D with grandma and pearly and manny and her friend, and wendy and two ahyis and mommy and lewis. this was hw far the kite was. [thanks to the guy who helped me get it up] then slowly let go more string. LOL. take up five strings. LOL. see if u can spot it.

bet u cant right. nah la zoom for u. this the best i can do. LOL.

<<<

on the top! can see anot. no its nt that speck on ur screen.LOL. im goin crazy cos someone hasnt replied me. anyway.. so heres today. was supposed to be blading but.. ya. HAHAHAHS. :D

2009-05-01T11:43:00.000+08:00

lately its been tiring.. exams coming up..art is lagging.. growing this fear of ms tong. LOL. no mood to study. always thinking of him.. cant think of anything to say now. so much's been happening.. swollen eyes nw.. sigh. i wna go out.

you'll never know how much i love u

2009-04-26T21:29:00.000+08:00

LALALA~ BOUGHT CHOCOLATE FROM CHOCOLAT FACTORY!! :D

the other time went to vivo then they close down.. sad. anyway at airport have. went there for dinner.. so.. yea. :D

sad thing is.. i bought wrongly. so im goin back to change. LOL.

anyway heres what lewis said when he wanted mommy to pass the knife ytd..

wis: MOM. WHERE'S MY SWORD?!?

raine: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHS

2009-04-25T22:12:00.000+08:00

TODAY I BATHED DUMBDUMB :D

before.. i was feeding him passion fruit jelly that my mom made. HAHAS.

[btw i share food with my hamster]

just after he come out from bath..

blowdrying him with hairdryer! :D

tahdah. nice and dry. fur so soft. :D

2009-04-25T20:33:00.000+08:00

today i went with my family to fly kite. was supposed to go grandmas house first.. bt. in the end dno whydidnt. anyway.. here are some pics. :D

elmo!!!! [but mommy gave away to the little girl :(]

some guy with his long long kite with different colours

my elmo pawn the spidey. AHHAHAS.

and heres an artistic shot of lewis. but sad to say. no. thats not his kite. his' on the ground. LOL.

2009-04-23T20:36:00.000+08:00

todays the 23rd.. so.. 23 things that happened, or are going to happen. or WHATEVER.

1. teacher scold for not telling him that i couldnt make it for napfa

2. teacher gimme detention til 6

[although it was great cos i could do my art. finished two sketches!]

3. during recess my friend told me something that make me feel so hurt

[its nt her. its cos of the thing, she was just informing me. thanks dear!]

4. i couldnt pay for something cos it closed.

5. tomoro got pe

6. must pay the stupid thing

7. todays weather is hot like crap

8. teacher changed my place..

9. my new sitting place sucks.. not cos of the people la. yee chen is nice :]

ITS JUST SO HOT.

10. SOMEONE'S SLEEPINGGGGG

11. SOMEONE likes to make me jealous

12. im feeling so pissed off

13. guys are such shits.

14. i love my girlfriends

15. thank you girls for comforting me today.. i was really dying inside..

16. i love my class

17. ive been a very bad girl.

18. im disappointed with myself

19. blogger was tryin to piss me off just now

20. friendster;s no better

21. im bored

22. my life;s all messed up

23. I DOWANNA GO SCHOOL TMR! :(

2009-04-19T20:17:00.001+08:00

You
Do you remember me like I remember you
Do you spend your life going back in your mind to that time

Cuz I
I walk the streets alone I hate being on my own
and everyone can see that I really fell and I'm going through hell
thinking about you with somebody else

Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breathe without you it's lonely
Somebody hopes that one day you will see
That somebody's me
That somebody's me

How
How did we go wrong
It was so good and now it's gone
And I pray at night
that our pathes will soon cross
and what we had isnt lost
Cuz you're always right here in my thoughts

Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breathe without you it's lonely
Somebody hopes that one day you will see
That somebody's me oh yeah

You'll always be in my life
Even if I'm not in your life
cuz youre in my memory

Now you, when you remember me
And before you set me free
Oh listen please

Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breathe without you it's lonely
Somebody hopes that oneday you will see
That somebody's me
(yeaaheeyeeh)
Somebody's me
Somebody's me
Somebody's me

2009-04-18T19:25:00.000+08:00

ytd was a great day! had captains ball for the girls and soccer for the guys. hahas lots of sweating under the freaking hot sun!!! in one match play with E2 until fall down. she accidentally pushed me la. then scraped my knee :( then next round play until my soles got blister!!! so hard to walk!! LOL. anyway it was overall a great game. had lots of fun and were really united. n1 rocks!! got fourth for both games. but its actually the teamwork that really matters la. :] so that was friday. came home, alicia waited with me for the bus! ahhas thanks cia. and then i took 88 home. went t basketball court at 299 to find don, said hi. then went home. actually wanted to go abck down.. but. too tired and my feet were hurting. SORRY DON!! :( anyway ya. thats friday, today woke up with my whole body aching!! :o omg. i couldnt keep my legs straight cos of my knee wounds. ahhas walked abit limpy. LOL. anyway we went as a family, to hougang, had pepper lunch.. then went to buy stuff for baking marble cake. bought shampoo too! then the sun was so tempting. jie and i kept saying wan go swim. ahahhas. in the end we really did. at first saw luqman~ then saw jamie yeo! ahhas. random.. anyway had quite a good time. hahas. the slide was abit painful though. bt definitely faster than www. AHAS. then sat by the poolside suntan while sis was bathed and sitting at the shade, studying. then went to bathe, walked to carpark and went home. we went to buy ice cream and coke from minimart. went home and watched inkheart! <3 ahahahs. after that mom, jie, bro and i watched and helped a little with the baking. think maybe later watching unborn with daddy. he bought the CD!! ahhas. and so.. thats it for today.

i miss you. a lot.

2009-04-16T21:12:00.000+08:00

OMG. today, after recess, we changed to uniform.

and i FORGOT TO ZIP MY SKIRT... :( LOL. and the thing is, i didnt wear pants underneath! :O ahahaahhas. then when eng lesson, michaye stained her skirt for the first time!! LOL. my first was back in sec 2 when i was at bedok. i didnt wear then stained. until super jialat. LOL. anyway today was the stupid day with the weirdo timetable. with maths then chi and maths again.. tsktsk. anyway after sch went compass with qing, von and alicia. saw sylvester. anyway. we went to see presents. april so many ppl's bday!! omg, still owe alot presents. sry!! ya. anyway aftr that we went to print some photos.. then went to buy cookies and went home. when i was bathing, i accidentally knocked my finger on the bar in the toilet and sprained my pinky.. then i tried to rub it with the gu zheng shui, only to drop it on the bed #.# die... tsk. anyway todays.. ya. HAHAHAS. crazy -.- im bored, and art is still killing me. tmr got games in sch. AHHH THERE GOES MY FRIDAY!!!!!

2009-04-12T18:22:00.000+08:00

today went to church. in the car.. we had a pajiao conversation.

[btw, pajiao is this green frog that she got from macdonald's happy meal]

jie: eh where is my pajiao uh?

[talks to self]

where is it uh daddy

dad: dont know la

that thing! that thing hanging by the door! my pajiao!

dad:throw away already la!

jie: WHAT?!?

raine: OH JIE! THAT DAY I SAW PAJIAO IN THE NEWSPAPER

jie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHS

raine:LOL

anyway here are pictures of ytd's outing with qing, cia and von. <3

2009-04-09T21:45:00.000+08:00

ART TODAY. omg. sian. but i managed to do some sketches! three in fact, then ms tong came and told me she expects me to be finishing board five and i was like O.O. *faints. [im only halfway thru board 3 btw.] HAHAHAS. so anyway ya. after recess i was tryin to eat my hello panda when dm walked by!! plus it was only half eaten.. and in my hand!!! OMG. lol. then of all days, today i dindt bring my bag down! nowhere to hide so hurry put in qings bag, in the end he didnt come in.. -.- i ate the thing finish.. bt sry qing!! her pe got some chocolate stains, which i tried to clean away. HAAHAHS. my hand was damn dirty la. anyway. had geog and ss ace today. ended bout.. 350? then ate at koufu with qing and mich.. chit chat abit i guess. ahhas. soon we took lrt and went home. anyway lets skip to dinner time. daddy called to say we had to go buy dinner ourselves.. so lewis and i went to compass. anyway lewis wanted to eat long john and i wanted subway, so i went with him to eat at long john first. he wanted to choose the dumb seat all the way inside, so i had no choice. anyway. soon his food came.. and heres the conversation:

raine: boy gime some drink can i v thirsty [i thought he wouldnt gimme]

lewis: wait

he takes the straw out, turns it upside down, 'accidentally' flicking the water on me,

and puts it back in.

lewis: mm

raine: -.-

so anyway i was getting bored. mouth itchy. so wanted to eat, heres what happened:

raine:[takes fries.. dipps into cheese]

lewis:[covers cheese with hand]

raine: jsut gimme some la!

lewis:[unwillingly, takes hand away]

raine:[managed to take abit of cheese]

after watching him eat for awhile..

lewis:'raine, u wan?' *waving the piece of chicken in front of me*

raine:'dowan.'

lewis: *waves chicken and then pretends to lick it*

*bit it*

'mmmm so nice!!'

raine: [btw i was hungry] kay help me take chilli then.

lewis: okay.

he stands up.. pulls his shorts.. and sits down again

raine: o.O

lewis: wait uh..

raine: hurry up la.

he gets up again, walks to the counter.. and then returns without askin anything.

raine: WHAT U DOIN?!?

lewis: in a whimpering voice.. 'alot of ppl :(' [thats what he says he said, but nt what i heard. i heard:'i dont dare :('

raine: WHATEVER.

i stood up and went to take the chilli.

i came back..

raine: wahlao ur girlfriend next time very poor thing

lewis: I WILL TAKE FOR HER WHAT.

raine: *FAINTS*

anyway thats dinner for today.. haas lewis is watching me type. so i shall have to go!! :D

[sry for the bad english. no time to correct]

SEEYA~~

2009-04-08T18:08:00.001+08:00

heres a picture taken at the wedding some time ago. with cuzies pearly and man. ahhas.

and heres a picture of me smiling with teeth :]

2009-04-08T18:02:00.000+08:00

ART IS KILLING MEEEEE.
supposed to be doin it now. but imm damn lazy. sigh.. lazy to do anything. anyway i made a new friend today. well nt today. ytd actually. but talked more today ;] kinda happy. lifes getting better i guess. its the way i look at it. anyway today was a crazy day in school. and i mean crazy. bad mood good mood. had english test which i didnt end off well. sigh. there goes my CA. so anyway today found out something rly :O. and cant help laughin. i noe its mean but. rly cant help it. wish someone would tell him. HAHA. anyway im startin to not mind chinese. even though sian. at least i try to do the work. though i do copy la. hahas thanks zoey! :X tsktsk. anyway i hope my new frenship lasts long :D i rly like..

2009-04-06T21:00:00.000+08:00

just the other day i was tryin something stupid, positioning my fone on the wall.

put self timer. LOL. heres the result>>>[apparently lewis' ufo is there, ruining my picture, LOL.]

so anyway today had sch. time passed quite fast i guess. i miss the chicken rice!! T.T sad. and then... i rmb theres something funny i wanted to post but i forgot. LOL. so anyway ill write it again some other time!! :D gtg. lewis wans to use. sian..

2009-03-30T17:21:00.000+08:00

i saw you today.

the moment i did, i looked away.

i couldn't look at you, not in those eyes,

just a glance would do, and i can walk by.

screaming, crying, torn apart.

nothing more can be said from this little heart.

that you twisted, spoiled, worn and threw,

i try not to think of it, but how could you.

i trusted you so much. i let you hold my hand.

but you led me to an unknown, faraway land.

now i'm lost, my tears, none left to fall

as i look back and remember that hall.

that i walked thru, that felt like home.

but now i realise, i'm all alone.

no one told me it would end this way.

or rather no one prepared me for this crucial day

maybe they did. but who would know

that u would leave me lying in the snow

naked, empty, freezing to death.

and only now, do i realise, you've left.

just wrote what i thought after seeing my ex outside the girls toilet in compass point. was wondering why he was there. then i hurried in, passing her by. so anyway today was.. okay i guess. went high in KFC with mich, qing, von and raymond. LOL. anyway.. kinda irritated by that stupid drilling upstairs. suddenly no mood to post. LOL. so yea. byeeee~

2009-03-22T23:55:00.001+08:00

gonna post some pics nw, since im nt doin much. hahas

so this is a watch i like!! $$420. and the thing is i seldom like watches, LOL.

this was taken today at burger king. shes eating the apple the guy who she thinks is cute gave her. HAHAHS. WHICH REMINDS ME. MY APPLE'S IN MY BAG!!!!

this was at macs with michaye, qing and von after. im nt sure what also. LOL.

DAY OUT WITH JEANIN :]

and heres one eye. LOL. sleeping between my shirt and my jacket on my hips. LOL.

BORED

2009-03-22T23:45:00.000+08:00

hello all, been so hectic recently. so many things have happened until i dont know where to start.

i dont even want to. anyway. i think my blog is growing fungi already, just like my bed. LOL.

i miss it thought. i haven slept on such a hard mattress for quite a long time already. kinda miss my soft one. :( so anyway today went to church, michaye couldnt attend due to some stomach thingy [GET WELL SOON] and yea. think shes better already. hmmmmm. im lazy to do art. it gets so boring the more i think of it. yet when i start i dowanna stop. . sigh, seems like my life is doing pretty badly now. i wish i could erase everything and go back to last year june. not rly sure why june, but yea. june. thenn can have holidays! this week holidays macham like three saturdays in a row nia. got flag day and all. SO BUSY. no time to do stuffs. so anyway i rly miss someone right now. pretty random, but yea. i do. hes sleeping. kinda weird that im thinking of him so much, but yea. AHHH. so anyway gtg to sleep soon. siblings and daddy's watching tv. some show. seems kinda boring to me. and i haven done so many homework. i feel like just leaving everything behind me and relax for a year or so. hahahahas. crazy. so ya. til next time, ciao~

2009-01-12T21:03:00.000+08:00

today is.. monday. i hate mondays. v sway one..
anyway.. time passed quite fast today.. even for english.
then we went to hall to witness the o lvl thingy.
well. i dno what to say. anyway..
after sch qing mich and i went to compass for lunch.
actually i didnt want to eat one. but..
thanks to qing and the stupid guy and his mee hoon queh, LOL.
i bought in the end. hahas! been half a year since i ate it..
hahas. nt bad. but so big bowl.
then there was this weird cleaning aunty,
she came over, asked me if i wanted to clear my bowl, so i said yes thanks.
then she took my chopsticks and picked up the mushroom, [or whatever it was]
and asked me why i nvr eat, LOL.
then nt only that. she came back again, to clear the drinks.
so she saw mine stil had a little bit.
then she held the cup to my face and asked me if i wanted to drink.
i was like O.O
hahas. then nvm. a few mins before we went off, the auntie came to sit beside me on the soft seat.
like in the middle of two tables.. rly freaky uh some ppl. LOL.
so.. yea. chinese sucks. LOL. random. :]

2009-01-12T20:35:00.000+08:00

2009-01-12T20:26:00.001+08:00

so long haven posted. alot have been happening.
anyway, ytd. which is sunday, we went to church.. there was uncle jerry. yea.
and then michaela my sister and i went to vivo to get some stuff.
i wanted to get a clip from chamelon..
but the two crazys ended up buying alot.
LOL. so anyway i bought a red hairband..
[been long since i wore one]
later on we went to the mrt.
and that dumb sister of mine had to leave her wallet at home.
she didnt want to queue for the ticket at the ticket counter,
and so she went to the machine instead..
the stupidest thing was when i alr tapped in and she asked me to go out.
to pass her 70 cents. mich asked me to throw to her my wallet..
but there was alot of ppl uh..
so i tapped out.
then as dumb as usual, she only got 2.80 as she didnt count in the extra 1 dollar.
she wanted to try her luck though.
but i only had a 10 dollar note.
so we left the machine, AND GUESS WHAT.
THAT STUPID WOMAN HAD A ONE DOLLAR IN HER POCKET, -.-
so i didnt care bout her and i went to find mich to go off first.
we then went to hougang to have pepper lunch! <3
hahas. the food was long. and ex. but.. ahya.
so anyway we ate there. we took 161 and were cam-whoring in the bus.
or at least, we were tryin to. LOL.
so we laughed like crazy. until ppl stared at us. but it didnt rly matter.
cos every picture was blur.
we waited for the bus to stop at its stops, but everytime it did,
we couldnt help but laugh. so th pics came out funny.. hahas.
anyway.. thats all for sunday.. had a bad stomach ache after michaye left the bus.

2008-12-31T22:59:00.001+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! :D
anyways. i was feeling rly sad just now.
and thank you gerald! :] for cheering me up.
i guess im glad 2008 is over.
been a hectic one.rly rly bad.
and now lets just hope 2009 will be alot better.
anyway.. pls relink me all! [i noe ive disappeared for some time.]
hahas. :D

2008-12-30T18:58:00.001+08:00

and then those memories come back again..
slowly.. swiftly and silently..
as i stare at my feet, wondering if u rly need me,
tht heartached feeling comes back again.
sometimes i rly miss you so much,
but i jsut cant tell u. and its nt that i dont dare.
but its cos i really cant.

and its u, only u who i write these silly lil things for,
for some reason, im just inspired to do so.

the one who gave me that happiness, that was too good to last

2008-12-27T23:42:00.000+08:00

i think back on those times whre u said u wont leave me. and even though it wasnt true,
i loved it when u lied.
cos when u said it with those seductive eyes
and that adorable smile,
a sense of security overwhelmed me.
everything seemed right and all that hurt u gave me before was forgotten.
all i would think of would be the time we spent tgt
and hw happy i was.
i nvr thought it would end that quick.
once again i fell into that trap.
i believed you. again.
yet all i got was.
'im sry dear. i think we should just be friends.'
as i laid in my bed, reading that message
with tears rolling down my cheek,
i wonder if u even care.
i wish that i could go back in time.
cos id like to do everything i can to make u happier
and make every minute i had with you special.
strange as it seems,
i find myself going thru it again and again,
yet i'd give anything to have just one more day,
even if it means ure gonna leave me again,
just as long as i can make u happy and see that sweet smile.
that was nvr meant for me.

im back!

2008-11-05T22:49:00.001+08:00

holidays are here so i thought i should start blogging again. and of course to please mayling, yea. so there. :D